And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
