my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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