Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
