My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
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