Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
