I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
