i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
