So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
