you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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