how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
