Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
