On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I need water and some morals
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
