I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sober January is a disaster.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize