On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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