we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
