I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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