Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
