i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
