I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
