Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
operation have a gay friend backfired
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
