marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
