I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
