You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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