Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
