3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
