i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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