i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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