I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
