i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
