jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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