He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize