The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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