please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
