Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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