Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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