you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have aggressive nipples.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
