Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All the doctor said was why
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
