i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
