Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
