i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
