after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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