reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
