I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
