So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize