It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
