Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
