can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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