There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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