so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
