like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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