Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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