Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
