he wants to bone in the snuggie
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
