I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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