My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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