I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We named our party play list daddy issues
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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