if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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