my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Someone signed my nipple.
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