Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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