were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
