Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
