I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
