Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
