How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
