thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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