The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
